Ohhhh my word this fast is NOT the funnest thing I've ever done! This Saturday I just almost broke it!!!! I WANTED pizza!!!!!! I think the Lord allowed me to experience that so He could test my resolve! Notice I didn't say tempt because ONLY the enemy tempts us. God refines us! VERY different places for sure. He wasn't testing my resolve for Him but to show me!
One thing I've learned about myself is I can do some pretty hard stuff. In my flesh I CANNOT!!!!!! But in the Lord I sure can! Things that I honestly thought "there's NO WAY" He showed me I CAN do all things thru Christ!!! I think where we get caught up is that we think it's going to "feel" good or ok or happy, BUT that's just not true at all!!! Sometimes it feels horrible, terrible, awful, painful, gross, and WRONG on a lot of levels!!!!!! Sometimes there's just no words to describe the grossness of it! But at the end of the day I HAVE to say, "I believe God", even when I see no good in the situations or circumstances!!! [Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness] No I was not "feelin it" but I told my flesh to sit down and spirit to rise up and believed God anyway!! I'm STILL waiting on His answer!!!!!!!!!!
I've also learned I am to my core an optimistic person and tend to see the glass as half full. Of course I have moments when I don't but for the most part I do. That really blessed my socks off learning that about me!!!!! My heart is, everywhere I go, make the world a better place. I want to leave it better than when I got there!! My job is to BLESS. I'm not real sure I'm good at a whole lot in my life but I do think I bless people pretty good.
Another thing I'm learning all over again, the Lord doesn't always make sense!!! In the last several weeks I've looked up to the sky and said," Lord, what the world?????" No where in the Word (because believe you me I've looked) does it say He has to explain Himself to us. He is God and He gets to do His thing!!! WITHOUT my approval OR permission!!!!
I'll just level 10 with ya....... I have NOT done this fast the whole time with the best of intentions! I have a lot lot lot of flesh I'm having to deal with. YUCK YUCK YUCK!! Part of it is this blog entry too. I have been saying in my head,"this is really none of anyone's business and in ALL honesty people really probably don't care. So why in thunder do I have to tell on myself or say this out loud at all????!!!!!!!" I mean just sayin!!!!!!!! I know I know I know this is for me ya'll are just innocent by standards! Thanks for letting me get this outta my body!!! *sigh*
I HATE that I've wasted quite a few days being selfish and whiney about the fast!! I need to learn to just shut my face!!!! BLEH So I'm praying that the last 8 days are better than the other 32!!!!! Wow that's a tall order!! I WANT WANT WANT to be different at the end of the fast! I want to hear Him better and have a closer relationship with Him!!!!!!! Honestly writing this out and saying it out loud I can see how God is doing just that!!
So cheers to 32 days down 8 to go!!!!!!!
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