Day 5 Musings

Well today is day 5 of a 30 day fast!! It's my day 2 of no dairy. UUUGGHHHH
 Everyday I ask "what am I learning? What am I SUPPOSED to learn? What is the purpose of this fast REALLY?" Well today I didn't get all the answers but the Lord did notify me of ONE thing....... I am like the Israelites. They complained about the manna. 'Lord we are sick of manna, Lord we don't want anymore manna, we want meat with our manna". I've said a version of that a time or two or three thus far........ NO not one of my finer moments I assure you. So really what I have learned thus far, my flesh is weak. I can be a brat. I am selfish woman. YUCK typing that makes it real and makes me SAD!!! I'm really trying to hear what I am supposed to learn in this fast! I don't want to have to keep learning it!!! I want to be more aware of the Lord, of me (and my place in the world), and the world around me. So far most of what I'm learning makes me sad and that's good because sin is supposed to make you sad!! I want to be emptied of myself and filled with HIM!!!
Another thought process I had yesterday was I TOTALLY get why Jesus went away ALONE during his 40 day fasting. I'm having a hard time being positive and happy!!! In fact I'm kinda grumpy at some points!! :( I really think it's me detoxing from the crap that I've shoveled into my body for sooooooo long. I will NOT return to my old way of eating I assure you!!!
I used to fast once every few months. I have fasted electronics and media and other stuff but not food.
You wanna stir a hornets nest?  Talk to people about fasting food!! Ohhhh my word people will give you excuses and reasons why they can't or won't. "I've got this malady or that reason"....hahahaha why are you telling me all of this is what I want to say!!! I am NOT the one calling you to or not to fast. You do not answer to me. But my thought is, if you are having this strong of a reaction to my WORDS maybe you should talk with the Lord about it. hahahahaha
A "funny" thought process......... in one of the hard moments I thought," Jen Hatmaker if I could reach you I'd pinch the plug outta you for writing that bless-ed book!!" In this moment I am so grateful she did. Check with me in about 5 mins I might have changed my mind!! :)