Ohhhh my word this fast is NOT the funnest thing I've ever done! This Saturday I just almost broke it!!!! I WANTED pizza!!!!!! I think the Lord allowed me to experience that so He could test my resolve! Notice I didn't say tempt because ONLY the enemy tempts us. God refines us! VERY different places for sure. He wasn't testing my resolve for Him but to show me!
One thing I've learned about myself is I can do some pretty hard stuff. In my flesh I CANNOT!!!!!! But in the Lord I sure can! Things that I honestly thought "there's NO WAY" He showed me I CAN do all things thru Christ!!! I think where we get caught up is that we think it's going to "feel" good or ok or happy, BUT that's just not true at all!!! Sometimes it feels horrible, terrible, awful, painful, gross, and WRONG on a lot of levels!!!!!! Sometimes there's just no words to describe the grossness of it! But at the end of the day I HAVE to say, "I believe God", even when I see no good in the situations or circumstances!!! [Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness] No I was not "feelin it" but I told my flesh to sit down and spirit to rise up and believed God anyway!! I'm STILL waiting on His answer!!!!!!!!!!
I've also learned I am to my core an optimistic person and tend to see the glass as half full. Of course I have moments when I don't but for the most part I do. That really blessed my socks off learning that about me!!!!! My heart is, everywhere I go, make the world a better place. I want to leave it better than when I got there!! My job is to BLESS. I'm not real sure I'm good at a whole lot in my life but I do think I bless people pretty good.
Another thing I'm learning all over again, the Lord doesn't always make sense!!! In the last several weeks I've looked up to the sky and said," Lord, what the world?????" No where in the Word (because believe you me I've looked) does it say He has to explain Himself to us. He is God and He gets to do His thing!!! WITHOUT my approval OR permission!!!!
I'll just level 10 with ya....... I have NOT done this fast the whole time with the best of intentions! I have a lot lot lot of flesh I'm having to deal with. YUCK YUCK YUCK!! Part of it is this blog entry too. I have been saying in my head,"this is really none of anyone's business and in ALL honesty people really probably don't care. So why in thunder do I have to tell on myself or say this out loud at all????!!!!!!!" I mean just sayin!!!!!!!! I know I know I know this is for me ya'll are just innocent by standards! Thanks for letting me get this outta my body!!! *sigh*
I HATE that I've wasted quite a few days being selfish and whiney about the fast!! I need to learn to just shut my face!!!! BLEH So I'm praying that the last 8 days are better than the other 32!!!!! Wow that's a tall order!! I WANT WANT WANT to be different at the end of the fast! I want to hear Him better and have a closer relationship with Him!!!!!!! Honestly writing this out and saying it out loud I can see how God is doing just that!!
So cheers to 32 days down 8 to go!!!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
Day 5 Musings
Well today is day 5 of a 30 day fast!! It's my day 2 of no dairy. UUUGGHHHH
Everyday I ask "what am I learning? What am I SUPPOSED to learn? What is the purpose of this fast REALLY?" Well today I didn't get all the answers but the Lord did notify me of ONE thing....... I am like the Israelites. They complained about the manna. 'Lord we are sick of manna, Lord we don't want anymore manna, we want meat with our manna". I've said a version of that a time or two or three thus far........ NO not one of my finer moments I assure you. So really what I have learned thus far, my flesh is weak. I can be a brat. I am selfish woman. YUCK typing that makes it real and makes me SAD!!! I'm really trying to hear what I am supposed to learn in this fast! I don't want to have to keep learning it!!! I want to be more aware of the Lord, of me (and my place in the world), and the world around me. So far most of what I'm learning makes me sad and that's good because sin is supposed to make you sad!! I want to be emptied of myself and filled with HIM!!!
Another thought process I had yesterday was I TOTALLY get why Jesus went away ALONE during his 40 day fasting. I'm having a hard time being positive and happy!!! In fact I'm kinda grumpy at some points!! :( I really think it's me detoxing from the crap that I've shoveled into my body for sooooooo long. I will NOT return to my old way of eating I assure you!!!
I used to fast once every few months. I have fasted electronics and media and other stuff but not food.
You wanna stir a hornets nest? Talk to people about fasting food!! Ohhhh my word people will give you excuses and reasons why they can't or won't. "I've got this malady or that reason"....hahahaha why are you telling me all of this is what I want to say!!! I am NOT the one calling you to or not to fast. You do not answer to me. But my thought is, if you are having this strong of a reaction to my WORDS maybe you should talk with the Lord about it. hahahahaha
A "funny" thought process......... in one of the hard moments I thought," Jen Hatmaker if I could reach you I'd pinch the plug outta you for writing that bless-ed book!!" In this moment I am so grateful she did. Check with me in about 5 mins I might have changed my mind!! :)
Everyday I ask "what am I learning? What am I SUPPOSED to learn? What is the purpose of this fast REALLY?" Well today I didn't get all the answers but the Lord did notify me of ONE thing....... I am like the Israelites. They complained about the manna. 'Lord we are sick of manna, Lord we don't want anymore manna, we want meat with our manna". I've said a version of that a time or two or three thus far........ NO not one of my finer moments I assure you. So really what I have learned thus far, my flesh is weak. I can be a brat. I am selfish woman. YUCK typing that makes it real and makes me SAD!!! I'm really trying to hear what I am supposed to learn in this fast! I don't want to have to keep learning it!!! I want to be more aware of the Lord, of me (and my place in the world), and the world around me. So far most of what I'm learning makes me sad and that's good because sin is supposed to make you sad!! I want to be emptied of myself and filled with HIM!!!
Another thought process I had yesterday was I TOTALLY get why Jesus went away ALONE during his 40 day fasting. I'm having a hard time being positive and happy!!! In fact I'm kinda grumpy at some points!! :( I really think it's me detoxing from the crap that I've shoveled into my body for sooooooo long. I will NOT return to my old way of eating I assure you!!!
I used to fast once every few months. I have fasted electronics and media and other stuff but not food.
You wanna stir a hornets nest? Talk to people about fasting food!! Ohhhh my word people will give you excuses and reasons why they can't or won't. "I've got this malady or that reason"....hahahaha why are you telling me all of this is what I want to say!!! I am NOT the one calling you to or not to fast. You do not answer to me. But my thought is, if you are having this strong of a reaction to my WORDS maybe you should talk with the Lord about it. hahahahaha
A "funny" thought process......... in one of the hard moments I thought," Jen Hatmaker if I could reach you I'd pinch the plug outta you for writing that bless-ed book!!" In this moment I am so grateful she did. Check with me in about 5 mins I might have changed my mind!! :)
Sunday, February 22, 2015
7 Month Fast
Well it has been quite some time since I've written. :( I've not really felt like I've had anything important or even not important to say. Well I'm going to have a lot to say in the next 7 months! Tomorrow I am beginning a 7 month fast. Yep you read that right, a 7 month fast. I've been reading the book called "7 an experimental mutiny against excess" by Jen Hatmaker. (If you want to have your world rocked I HIGHLY recommend this book!!!) This is going to rock my world and literally change my life. I cannot even fathom today how I am going to make it thru the next 4 weeks much less 7 months!!! If you wanna be different you gotta do different. Well for the love of Pete I think this will sure be different!!! If I'm not gonna be different during this process then there is something REALLY wrong with me!!! He is going to JACK UP every part of my life and test and see if He really IS Lord of my WHOLE ENTIRE life!!!! Just typing those words shakes me to my core. What the what????? Am I really going to do this? I feel like I can hear the Lord LOL!!! It's one of those things I KNOW I cannot cannot cannot do in my strength! But commit your ways to the Lord and He will direct your path!!!
Tomorrow begins my 4 week fast of eating ONLY 7 foods!!!!
Chicken
Eggs
Oats
Spinach
Apples
Beets
Ezekiel Bread
Yep that scares the tar outta me after reading how she was feeling about chicken at the end of the 4 weeks!!! This should be super interesting!!! Hopefully I will blog throughout this process!!! That's my thought process anyway. I wanna take you on this amazing journey with me. So lace up your spiritual shoes and let's roll!!!!
Tomorrow begins my 4 week fast of eating ONLY 7 foods!!!!
Chicken
Eggs
Oats
Spinach
Apples
Beets
Ezekiel Bread
Yep that scares the tar outta me after reading how she was feeling about chicken at the end of the 4 weeks!!! This should be super interesting!!! Hopefully I will blog throughout this process!!! That's my thought process anyway. I wanna take you on this amazing journey with me. So lace up your spiritual shoes and let's roll!!!!
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