The Cool Kids Table

This morning started with what I was assuming to be how the whole day would go.....TERRIBLE. But in one act of God, He turned it all around!! My husband who has the patience of Job, was this steady unmoved rock until the Lord turned around a certain situation in our favor!!! Sooooo sweet!!!! Sometimes I just forget that God can change what seems like a horrible thing into a blessing. *sigh* God is sooooo good!!!

After the sweet blessing, I got to have a video conference call with 2 GIANTS (in my eyes) of the faith. When I worked at Cross Timbers church these 2 women were "those women" that you only dreamed you could be like. Strong faith, strong marriages, more wisdom in their pinky fingers than most people have in their whole body for their whole lifetime. As we were chatting this morning I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I could not believe I was sitting at the "cool kids table". Wow I am still in shock that I get to do life with these Mighty Women of God AND they want my opinion. Sometimes God uses these kinds of circumstances to show us how far we've come. Not that I've arrived by any means but I have matured in my faith. Used to, I'd have felt very prideful and arrogant saying that but I wanna give a "shout out" to the Lord because it was His doing!!! It's not prideful or arrogant because with all that is within me I know HE has grown me. I choose HIM!! Above all I choose HIM!!

After those 2 precious blessings I got to go up to our church, Amarillo Fellowship and have an hour of prayer with warrior men and women. It's been astounding to watch the Lord knit our hearts together these last 16 or so days. When we started all those days ago our prayers were separated and wordy but now it's one heart and one mind praying. Our Pastor's current series is called One Thing. AMAZING when the body of Christ comes together for ONE THING how it changes the world!!! 1 man was sent to save the world and He sent 12 after Him to change the world!!! I want to be one too, a World Changer.  So here I am Lord, send me!!! My answer is Yes Lord here I am.

So if you feel like you are sitting alone, I wanna invite you to come sit at the "cool kids table". You are ALWAYS welcome here!!!!!!!

Who Told You, You Were Naked??

Those are words that are actually in the Bible spoken by God !!! In Genesis 3:11 God said," Who told you that you were naked?". God is basically asking them , "who told you, you were made wrong and needed to cover up?". I feel like the Lord asks me that a lot!!! There are SOOOOOOO many times I feel like I'm "made" wrong. I'm very different and eclectic in my taste. I LOVE change. I change stuff in my house often!! I don't have a FOREVER favorite color! My taste in music changes. I honestly believe my love of change has something to do with me having SUPER straight hair growing up and now it's really curly. God knew I would want to have straight and curly hair, so He gave me BOTH. I honestly have never thought of that until I typed it but it seems really reasonable to me!!! God is sooooo creative and His heart is to bless his children. 
Ok back to being naked.............where are you feeling that you are made wrong? Why would the enemy tell you, you were wrong in this particular area? Prolly because that's an area of your ministry. That's the only place the enemy tries to fight us sooooo hard! We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We were knit together in our mother's womb by an AWESOME Creator.  We are ON PURPOSE!!! EVERYTHING is for a reason. What can you DO different in this area of your life? 
I was reading over my journal this morning at before 5am. (I didn't sleep well. :( Michael and I have to make a huge decision in our life and it's been a GIANT stressor. So, I just got up read the Word and journaled) 
I reread some of the MOST amazing experiences I've had with the Lord this year!! He's been sooooooo faithful!!! The first one that jumps out was my and my sister's cruise in April. Wowzer He way showed off for us. It was such a life changing experience for me!!! What I journaled about soooooooooo much was how much we laughed. I had pages and pages.  I found my joy again on that trip!!!!! God has created a BEAUTIFUL world for our enjoyment. We were created to ENJOY life! 
 I also experienced a new found gratitude. But, I think I had unrealistic expectations after this trip that my feelings would just STAY and I would not be required to "work at" keeping them. So because of this, I slipped back into the doldrum of my life. YUCK!!! Sometimes it's a struggle to find the joy everyday, but everyday there is something to be joyful about!!!! EVERYDAY!!! I'm learning that this is something that needs to be a daily practice! Somedays are much easier than others. 
So as we approach Thanksgiving 2016 I don't have all the "big" answers for my life figured out.  But I am CHOOSING to be thankful for my life JUST AS IT IS. Besides, my sweet Grandbaby is coming and I will be saturated in love!!!

Happiest Thanksgiving!!!!!!!

Dance In the Parkinglot

In a million years I could not imagine being in this spot. I am an empty nester. I had NO CLUE what that really meant or how it would affect my life. When the boys were little I guess I thought it would always be that way. I was exhausted and worn out at most points. We passed our selves coming and going. I couldn't wait to get out of that"season" when I was in it. I enjoyed it and I certainly enjoyed my boys but man oh man I was tired!!! If I could go back I'd be more grateful and appreciative of every single minute. I'd complain less and smile more. I'd stay off my phone and not people please as much. I would hug and kiss more and fight less. (I really don't need to be right about everything. ) I'd Be Present and #doitafraid!!! I'm having to reconcile in my mind my short comings and regrets. God is going to have to show me how to let them go! I cannot go back and change the past but I CAN change my future. I can show the next generation what NOT to do! I can pass along my failures to help others avoid the pitfalls. There are women in my life that I am soooooo grateful for! Women who have helped me navigate being a wife, mom, and now a Lolli!! Gosh I am soon grateful for them! But I also have women who remind me to have fun, LOL, be silly, and enjoy where I am at. It takes a "tribe" to make me who I am. Wow I hadn't thought of that! I am a better woman when I am surrounded by TOTALLY different kinds of people. They remind me "I am not made wrong". I am quirky, loud, and flaky, BUT I love HUGE, laugh a lot, and need to be surrounded by color and colorful people. So maybe my advise to you in whatever season you are in would be ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE NOW. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and you can never go back, so squeeze every ounce of life out of it!!! Use all caps and exclamation points!!!! Dress up for no reason and dance in the parking lot with your radio up loud. Stop waiting to not be tired or less stressed or when you slow down or when you have the money to or energy to or........(fill in the blank with the excuses)
You only have this one life here on earth live it LARGE. Heaven will be its own party. :) Make a change that will change the world, put down your phone and look at the world with YOUR eyes!!! It's still a beautiful place.

What the What?????

Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself. This is what I do much and often. I am learning laughter is healing and can bring about new perspective.  I go between taking my self too seriously and not taking anything seriously. UUUUGGGHHHH I need to find the balance in it!!! I am honestly swinging towards the too serious side. BLEH that sucks the life right outta me. Especially for the season of life I am in right now.
I am just days maybe weeks away from being a Lolli. Baby Ace Christian will make his grande appearance VERY soon. That in and of itself is AMAZING. Watching your child become a parent is CRAZY. He and Jen are just babies themselves. Ok not really, they are 4 and 5 years older than we were when we became parents. What the what????? How in thunder did I become a Mom at 19??? Don't answer that question. hahahahahaha Connor and Jen are SOOOOOOOOO much smarter and wiser than we were at their age!!! They are going to be FANTASTIC parents!
Michael is excelling in his job!!!! Wow he's never experienced the favor of God in a job like he is now. I am soooooooo proud of him and excited to see what God is going to do in his life. He is blessing us financially and growing the business more and more. I even get to help him and travel with him. He's a captive audience for all my shenanigans and talking. Well maybe not as captive as he is trapped. hahahahaha  We are on this to journey of WHATEVER You want Lord!!
Dorian is getting to sing with the worship team at our church. I was blown away walking into church on Sunday and CLEARLY hearing his voice worshipping his guts out up on stage!!!! It was such a beautiful sight and sound!! Leading people to the Throne Room of God.......... I cannot even imagine!!! What a high calling!!!
So why in thunder am I stuck in the seriousness of life? Yes there is a time and place and some people are just more bent that way, but by nature I am NOT! I keep asking myself What the What Ang? I am struggling to find what I am supposed to be doing!!! We moved here and my ministry STOPPED. :(
My heart and passion is to take people deeper, encourage marriages to keep fighting, and be in the Word. What am I supposed to do? Where do you want me Lord? My kids are grown! The ones I birthed and even the ones I didn't. What is a 42 year old Lolli to be supposed to do with her days??? I'm STUCK!!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE being stuck.  I know Christ died to give me abundant life and I WANT to live it to the fullest!!!!!!! I am "doing" the right things a good Christian woman should, praying, reading the Word, going to church and sitting in my secret place with God and there is still a deafening silence about this from Him. Yeah I really don't know what to do with all that I assure you. There will be no happy "resolve" at the end of this post because I don't have any answers still. And yet I wait in hopeful expectation that the Lord WILL tell me something soon. So until then, I am going to laugh at myself, listen to Dori sing, work with Michael, and wait with Connor and Jen for Ace Christian to make his grande appearance. Life is good and God is amazing and I'm choosing THAT!!!!!!

Field of Dreams

 Connor was a part of his final collegiate baseball game. Ohhhhh my word I had NO CLUE that kind of pain was coming!!! Connor has played baseball since he was little little!! We knew he was going to be a fabulous player when he was 1 and threw the baseball across my parents yard. In that moment, we ALL knew!!! So we've all (Michael, Connor, Dorian, and me) essentially played baseball through Connor for a better part of 18 years. How do you say goodbye to that part of your life? I was asking God about it and why it hurt so bad and His response took my breath away. He said," Imagine you not being able to ever speak to a group of people or teach again, that is what Connor is feeling right now." Ohhhhhhh my word!!! What the what?????!!!!!!!!!! God how do I even begin to speak to him in that???? How can I when my heart hurts this bad and hurts even more for him???? He will grieve this death. It IS a real death to him. He had hopes and dreams that were bigger than we will ever see with our human eyes.      
 His shoulder could not handle it though. He had surgery on it and the Dr said he hadn't seen many shoulders as bad as his. He said he had the shoulder of a 65 year old man. Not words a baseball pitcher EVER wants to hear!! Watching him long to be on the mound in the last game just broke my heart. I was trying to drink in every single throw, pitch, bat, and out for him. I want to be able to give him the sights, sounds, and smells of that game. I want to take away the pain for him. We ALL grieved that day in the ballpark. He lingered a lil longer on the field and we put our fingers thru and held on tight to the fence. 
When Connor was younger he would NEVER bat until we put our fingers thru the fence and basically high fived each other. If we didn't he honest to goodness struck out. His coach yelled at him once for doing it but he only yelled once, and we continued on. That memory takes up a huge part of my heart with baseball!!! I'll always high five with him thru the fence in my mind, that made me a part of his game! Gosh I'll miss that the MOST!! So as Connor, Jen, Michael, and I took our final walk off the field we stopped and prayed. I thanked God for the times we had there. That He grew a wonderful character in Connor thru the game. That he learned to play for the audience of One. And that He will NEVER leave Connor!!! 
I love the game but I love that kid more. 
With my whole heart I love this kid. I know God has called him to greatness!! This is just part of the testimony that sucks for a minute. 
So we all cried and walked off The Field of Dreams. 

 In the NEW category our Daughter-in-Love Jennifer graduated on Saturday with her Bachelors from SWOSU. I cannot express how proud we are of her! What an amazing feeling watching these people walk across the stage (for 2 hours I might add) and receive recognition that they deserve for their SUPER hard work for all these years!!! It's really inspired me to maybe go back for my degree in communications. We all know I can talk! haha But we will see what God has in store! Jen was sooooo beautiful as she carried her self and Ace across that stage in her cap and gown!!! I said we have THE MOST brilliant grandchild on the planet because he graduated from college BEFORE he was even born. Jen and Ace are called to Greatness by God!! It's fun watching!!! I also got to feel that little angle wriggle in his Mommas lil tummy for the first time!!! That was such a GREAT reminder that," Behold God is doing a NEW thing"!!! What a sweet sweet weekend with this new family of 2.5 almost three!! I'm sooooo grateful that God doesn't leave us in our sadness, he gives us things to aspire to, like being a NEW Mommy or Daddy or in my and Michael's case a Lolli and Pop!!!!!!!! So I'm crying and walking onto a NEW Field of Dreams!!

Waiting for Perfect

Matthew 11:30
My yolk is easy and my burden is light.

It is EXHAUSTING trying to be a perfectionist!! In my rational mind I know there is no such thing but the other part of me is still looking for it! I look around our apartment trying to get the PERFECT layout. I look in the mirror and try to figure out my PERFECT hair, and on and on and on. As I type,  I am thinking why in thunder would you strive for something so unattainable? I would've never thought this be the answer, but it IS, PROTECTION. I am trying to protect myself from the "what-ifs" in life.  If all of my "stuff" is in the PERFECT place, if my words are written PERFECTLY, if I look PERFECT, etc..... I cannot get hurt, I won't be rejected, I will be loved, I'll be good enough.......
I seriously just laughed outloud in a very self aware way!!!! Sometimes you think if you can just control all the situations you can't be surprised by anything. Shouldn't a surprise be a good thing? Sometimes they are!!
A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my little sister Weebus (our nickname for her). She had won a cruise for two to the Dominican Republic and wanted to know if I wanted to go. WHAT THE WHAT????? It's also a mission trip!! That was a SWEET SWEET surprise!! So one month from today we will be leaving from Miami on a boat for 7 days of fun, service, and sun!!! I have not loved flying in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. And that is an understatement!! But I told the Lord I am soooooooo sick and tired of fear stopping me from doing some fabulous stuff in the world!!!! So I am GOING!!! You can sure pray for us!! PLEASE!!
 I WANT to love surprises and I don't want to duck in fear. I want to throw caution to the wind and not give a rip who is watching me sing my face off in my convertible. I want to be able to leave with my bed unmade! (ok ok ok that one is TOO far!!)
My friend Olivia has an 18 year old named Morgan (he is JUST LIKE his Momma!!!) who lives his life in a way that pushes me to be and do different!!!! Those moments when I am riding in my car and reach to turn my music down in fear of offending others. No there are NO offensive songs playing but it might be a little louder than some. I hear his voice in my head say," why do you care what they think?".  You know what? It prolly isn't even playing that loud. hahahaha I think I'll start there!!! I'm turning that music up LOUD!!! So if you are next to me at a light and my music is too loud, don't glare at me, JOIN IN and sing along!!!!!!
 It's time for NEW and it's time for FREEDOM!!!!

It's Only a Number Right?????

Well welcome to 2016. We have endless possibilities and adventure waiting ahead!! Well that's what I am hoping anyway!!! I do NOT understand why I wait til a new year to dream up NEW possibilities or let myself hope for NEW or even desire NEW. Yes the Word that the Lord gave me to focus on in 2016 is NEW!! That excites the tar outta this girl. The beginning of last year SUCKED and was horrible awful and terrible. I am NOT even slightly exaggerating and if you know me, that's big!!!
 I was ecstatic to leave 2015 behind!!! 
I did get a GIANT gift July 25th in my daughter-in-love Jennifer. Then on Thanksgiving Day another GIANT gift in the news that I am going to have a grand baby at the end of July and that makes me a Lolli and Michael a Pop!! We are calling this precious Angel Baby, Baby A! Boy or girl their name starts with an A!!! What a way to close out a terrible year. God is soooooo sweet like that!!!!! 
I was looking up numbers and 15 in the Bible represents death. UUUUMMMM yeah for me death of friendships, marriages, my Grandad :(, hopes, dreams and desires. Yeah it's sounds as morbid as it was in real life. But then I looked up the number 16 and it represent  LOVE. *BIG sigh* Shoot fire I'll take LOVE over DEATH any day!!! 
So I began to ask the Lord what He wanted me to know about it. Some of it I'll share in later blogs but this one is gonna focus on one verse. (it's in the Bible a couple of times but...........) 

Mark 12:31 The second is equally important:'Love your neighbor as yourself.'No other commandment is greater than these.' ( The first one is to love the Lord your God)

I was like "Ok Lord I get it. I need to love others! I'm on it. He said "NOPE lil Lady you do that part well. You HAVE to love yourself!!" WHAT THE WHAT????????" Isn't that prideful or arrogant or something???" "No m'am it's a commandment from ME." "But Lord........" " Really Ang do you wanna argue with ME? I AM that I AM."  "Ok Lord I'm on it. But I'm telling you Lord, this is gonna be a lot harder than it looks!!! I don't really like me all that much so how in thunder am I supposed to love myself?" I LOVE how sweet the Lord is! He talks to me like we are BFFs! Well yesterday I did ask the Holy Spirit to be my BFF!! (great message from Robert Morris)
I am crying as I am typing this! One it's SUPER personal and I don't want to share that intimate of details about myself on the internet. Second this task that the Lord has set before me is way way way bigger than me. I don't even know where to begin....... Well I guess me getting this outta my body is a GREAT start! I'm stepping outta my laziness and fear into the wild blue yonder of 2016. I KNOW there is greatness to be had and I am choosing to be an active participant in my life!!!!
Happiest NEW year!!!!